Well my surgery is scheduled for May 9th. My husband will be driving me to MD Anderson, where all this will take place. I will be getting a complete right mastectomy with right axillary lymph node dissection. Not really sure what to say. I have so many conflicting feelings: relief, uncertainty, sorrow and hope.
I am so happy they will cut this cancer out of me. This terrible invader that has turned my life completely upside down. I am jumping for joy at the thought that it will be gone from my body. I don’t care if I never ever see it again. Throw it away, far far away. I want to leave that diseased part of me behind and go on with my life.
What’s going to happen? Major surgery is really scary. What if my surgeon can’t get it all and leaves some behind? I don’t know what to expect. What I will see or not see when I wake up. What if it hurts too much?
This is a part of me, a part I have had since birth. Don’t take it away! I will never be the same. So sad. I will never look the same. So sad. I cry in my sleep for what I will lose yet , now I remember what I have to gain.
I am Free! I can go on to the next step of my treatment. This is exciting and I will move on. Life will once again become normal. My hair will grow back, I will get a “foobie” , I can travel, I don’t have to be paranoid every time someone sneezes around me, I can start planning things in advance again. Maybe no one will have to know that I am different, that I was touched by Cancer. I can look just like everyone else again. People won’t look at me with pity in their eyes anymore. I have hope for the future.
All these thoughts are just rolling around in my head. So with this lull in my treatment, I am writing this blog, making and testing out recipes that fit in with my new way of eating and keeping very busy, so that all my nervous anxiety gets channeled into something positive.
Some of you who know me, might be surprised at how energetic and clear minded I am. Even though I did not suffer a lot of side effects from these toxic drugs, I did suffer from severe fatigue, neuropathy and brain fog. I was writing little post it notes everywhere to remind me what I was doing. I could not even read. I would open a book and look at the same page for hours. It was really bad. All that changed when I switched to a ketogenic diet right after my 5th round of chemo. After chemo, it usually takes me two weeks to recover and be able to be productive. I would only have one good week out of three. On the day I had my 6th infusion, I had been following the ketogenic diet for 2 weeks. This time it was a night and day difference. I was down 1 day! Since starting this ketogenic diet, I have had tons of energy, I can concentrate and even learn how to setup WordPress by watching videos and my neuropathy has reversed itself. I now have complete feeling in my fingers and toes again.
One of the reasons I am writing this blog is to share my experience with this way of eating. The ketogenic diet has helped me to lessen the side effects of my cancer treatments, and allowed me to enjoy a better quality of life. Even my husband is doing it with me as support, but now he is enjoying this way of life as well. He is feeling much more energetic, no longer has mood swings and has lost over 20 pounds in the last eight weeks. This diet isn’t for everyone, since everyone is different, but it has been working for me and I will share all my tips, recipes and insights with you. Come and join me on my journey!